Rocky Road

I wasn't going to write about this, but sometimes we shy away from the very things we should do. 

Have you ever had one of those days/weeks where you're just not into it?

Earlier this week, an inexplicably foul mood followed me around like a cloud. Everything was fine, and nothing out of the ordinary was happening. I mean, a little PMS maybe, but what else could be going on to make me so frustrated & annoyed so persistently? It was almost like an out-of-body experience; like I was floating above my grouchy ass wondering why the hell I was being such a sourpuss. I think this week, the weight of everything just came crashing down on me.

Yo... (source)

We're in week 4 of the intensive and almost done with the 33 to Glow no grain/soy/dairy/legume challenge. I go hard at every workout, and during the intensive we're required to show up for class/workout 5-6x/week. Not a whole lot different from non-intensive life, but I've been giving each rep and each set 110% to make sure I squeeze every ounce of progress out of each class. I'll push myself until I can't stand up or see straight. You'll never know where your limits are if you're always breaking on the way, you know?

I then go to work and give 110% to prove I'm an asset that should be there permanently. I love it there, but I'm mentally and physically exhausted by the time I get home in the evening.

I've been politely declining a lot of social and blog-related events during the intensive so that I can focus on getting my meals prepped & right, get to sleep at a good hour so that I'm not tired at my workout/next office day, and just to rest, stretch & enjoy time with my bulldog and boyfriend. I also squeeze what time I've got at home to work on my blog - writing, negotiating future brand projects, etc. and crank out any other freelance work I've got going on at any given time.

Another gem from  Pinterest

When you go hard at everything in life, eventually something has to give.

Commitment and sacrifice will sometimes leave a sista fatigued! I didn't quit, but the realness of those thoughts and my persistent negativity were enough for me to put some serious thought into the current, always busy state of my life.

When you see people's happy, shiny, glossy, always positive Instagrams & social media updates about their healthy & fit life (guilty), trust this is not how they are/feel all the time (very guilty.) How reflective is your social media of your entire life, really? People only want to share the stuff that's going well, when they're feeling good.

They're full of shit if they tell you everything is rosy all the time.

 Concrete lifestyle changes are not supposed to be easy. Let me tell you, we need the downs to understand just how important those ups are.

Perhaps I spend too much time on the Pinterest. (source)

My saving grace has been, well, grace. Compassion. Gratitude. A good 'come to Jesus' talk with myself about not being so hard on myself. On how life won't end if I don't 'go hard' all the damn time. Writing down all the things I'm thankful for, every night on a gratitude list. Slowing down even more and enjoying not having so much on my to-do list. Reveling in reading and writing. When I judged others, bringing my focus back to my triggers - what insecurity am I feeding by thinking that way about someone else?

Most of all, taking deep breaths and remembering to be good to myself. Remembering why I've committed to this lifestyle.

I allowed myself to feel that negativity, but I also knew I had to let it go. My laser focus is back now on the intensive. I appreciate this experience, to remind me how to weather the times when I've run out of that happy fuel that keeps me positive.

Thanks for reading this, by the way. Being vulnerable is always scary as shit, but it's incredibly therapeutic to put yourself out there. I appreciate your time!