They say your body changes every few years. I'm not sure where I heard that, or to what extent they meant by it, but I believe it. About three years ago, I embarked on a lifestyle where health and fitness became a top priority. I was solid on it for a good couple of years, too, fully committing to a couple of detoxes, losing weight and completely transforming the way I approached what I put on my plate and how I took care of my body.
There are a lot of factors that go into maintaining a lifestyle like that, and when one of them falls off, it can have a snowball effect quick. I went full-time at my contract gig late last year, and since then I've struggled to redefine my relationship to food and fitness.
I started out this year fairly intact, making good meal choices and getting workouts in almost every day. The stress slowly but surely started to manifest from different things. I'd feel guilt from not blogging. I'd feel overstretched at work, and exhausted from workplace culture. I would hold steadfast to my downtime, choosing to spend it with Spike and Jacob instead of attending events or working on my blog (which created more guilt.) I'd work out, but I began to resent how tired and sore it would make me later in the day. One bad meal choice or one week with a lack of food prep led to many subsequent bad choices.
Somewhere along the line, I lost the spark that had fueled my motivation to keep health and fitness a priority.
Don't get me wrong. I've got a few habits locked down that are harder to break than others. I have a green smoothie every morning for breakfast (without fail.) I take really great supplements. My Sunday food prep game would seriously impress 2012 me. The foundation is still solid. It's just that somewhere along the line, I started to drift away from the core of what gets me excited about doing all these healthy things.
I've pulled back a bit from the health & fitness community I'm part of, mostly so I can focus on being offline when I can, and to minimize distractions while I'm at work. It's hard to be there for others when you're trying to figure yourself out.
Social media has also taken the trendiness of health & fitness and fucking run with it. Nowadays I can't tell who's keeping it real and who's trying to get a modeling career off of Instagram (or a quick buck off of some detox tea. LOL) I still follow a lot of clean-eating beauties who love to work out, but I'm a lot more discriminatory in what is true "fitspo" and what's dancing the fine line to push down a woman's self-esteem with unrealistic aspirations.
You can feel and see it when someone is living in honesty. Authenticity. Genuine confidence in one's own skin. True compassion and support of others. A solid grasp on what makes them feel strong and sexy.
All of that is what I'm working back towards. I know I'll find it again; I'd just re-prioritized other things for awhile. It's important for me to see these things in others, and that's what I look for in the people I follow on social media, and those I keep around me in real life. Where, what workouts and with whom? That remains to be seen. In writing this out, I may have just re-ignited the spark I need to redefine this part of my life.