Happy new year! I hope you’ve all had a happy holiday season and are ready to take on 2019. I’ve been procrastinating writing this post for weeks, partly because of holiday business but also because I’ve felt stuck for a long time. It’s funny, because I am constantly writing down and telling myself to write every day. It’s always a goal of mine and always been on my daily to-do list - and yet I avoid doing it. I just haven’t felt like it even though deep down inside I’ve been craving it.
I just finished up another round of Stratejoy’s Holiday Council to get my theme and goals in order for the new year. This is my fifth or sixth time doing the Holiday Council and I love it every time (to varying degrees. Haha!) Facing the past year in order to learn from it is hard work. Looking ahead and staring down big, hairy, audacious goals is also hard work. I realize now that I love the ending of a year and beginning of the next; people might make fun of resolutions or new year’s goal-setters but I really need that reset and rejuvenation of my spirit. I haven’t written much because I’ve been stuck for months; now, this is pouring out of me.
My theme/word for this year is TRUST. During Holiday Council work, I realized how much time I spend doubting or reducing myself. I was really knocked off my game after Spike passed away (plus the rigors of wedding planning and house buying.) I’ve noticed I will talk myself out of the confidence I need to be strong, persistent, vulnerable…everything. I was 100% getting in my own way, so much so I couldn’t even write, or believe I was fit or beautiful or valuable or worthy of ____. I was tired, deflated, and defeated all the time. For what?
I’m done with that mindset.
This year I am trusting myself. I am trusting my body to carry me through a tough workout at any time of the day (I want to write more about my 2018 fitness journey in a different post!) I am trusting my instincts and gut feeling. Any time those thoughts of doubt, comparison, FOMO, negative self-talk, and poor body image creep into my mind, I’m going to work to change that mindset as quickly as possible. I am trusting my vulnerability. I am trusting my loved ones. I am trusting that the universe knows what it’s doing and that I’m here for experiences, lessons, and blessings.
I’ve spent far too long not trusting the one person who’s had my back this whole time. I won’t do that to myself anymore, and am working hard this year to honor myself as much and as often as I can.
Do you have a theme or word, big goals, or resolutions for the year? I’d love to hear them! People say blogs are dead - maybe they are, but I’m here to document my journey and work off this momentum I have. Looking forward to sharing myself with you on here again.
xo - Jess